And Another Appointment

So far this cycle of treatments is going well- minus the swelling, hot flashes and mood swings. I guess this is pretty regular for me and thank goodness John is use to it as well. Poor guy lol. I had a doctors appointment Thurday and it went well. As of then i actually had about three eggs growing on each side, All only between 9-11mm but they were growing. Remember they need to be around 18mm to be able to take the HCG shot(the one to make me ovulate). I have not had this many on each side before at this point.  So I go in today in a few hours to find out if we are close enough or if more medicine is needed and also how many are continuing to grow. Usually at this appointment I will see that there is one-maybe two that are most dominate and have grown more than any of the others. John and I are really hoping that we have at least two on each side going into ovuation. Yes, it raises chances for multipules but also the chances of pregnancy, we say it is well worth it. The doctor on Thursday said that we really only need one and yes thats true but one hasn't been our lucky number the last two times. So we will see in a few hours what the docotor says. I don't see me being ready to take the ovulation shot today- the eggs were not quite big enough at the last appointment to make me think they are able to grow that fast. But with this anything is possible and we are keeping our fingers crossed! 
On a simi other subject, I think I was happy or at least releaved to find out that PCOS has its own color and ribbon (like breast cancer being a pink ribbon). It is very scary to know that I have a major condition that has a ribbon but it is great to know that there is awerness out there and that hopfully there will be more help and answers out there one day. Here is a picture of the ribbon- I love that it is teal (one of my favorite colors) and not a depressing color. Also there are shirts many other aprearals that show PCOS awerness. I love it! Just have to figure out how to get it....

No thank you Mr. Medicine

Hey guys I wanted everyone to know that we are going to be trying again this month- hopefully in about 2 weeks. Hoping the third time is the charm. I have been very emotional the last couple months with the uncertainty of it all. I am not sure the total number of treatments I can go through. I believe it is around 6. The doctors have to put a cap on it because of how intense the treatments are and the tole the medicine takes on the body. That alone makes the worry even more. We are going to be on the 3rd one which means we are half way to being told no more.
I have started taking my Provera drug (it causes me to have a period so my cycle starts). It is kicking my butt this time. John tells me every time I take it that I say this, so I guess it not the first time you've heard me say it either. Provera jump starts my hormones and blood flow causing horrible headaches- just one of the side effects. I am only on day 3 of the 10 days I have to take it and I have had a headache from hell since yesterday morning. I have been working through it but today I really struggled with it. I think all my munchkins could even tell too because they were pretty good today :) I feel that everything causes my head to throb. Light, sound and all that fun stuff. More lovely work friends have really been patient with me and has helped me when they can. Hopefully tomorrow it will be better and maybe my body will be use to the drug again... Crossing my fingers....

Just saying hi...

Hey everyone just wanted to say hey. Been trying to get over another disappointing negative last month and truthfully it has been hard. When something is suppose to work and all the time, pain and money that went into it, it is a bigger let down than sometimes I even make it seem. John and I are excited for the thought of and hopefully being financially able to go through another round of treatments again in December. I think the thing that is hurting the most right now is that we are not able to do anything but wait until we get another oopportunity. I have great friends and family that have continued to support me- and John throughout this roller coaster. I have gotten very sentimental cards, thoughts and prayers and I want y'all to know how much it means to the both of us. A few good friends have gifted me a few things that help me have hope and it means the world to me. Hopefully the new year will give us excellent news and many prayers answered. Love everyone for taking the time to read, call, text and message me it really does more for me than you guys will ever know. Thanks a million <3

Another Try

I hate waiting! Things so far have gone well these past treatments. The doctors put me on another mixed cycle of Clomid and Menopur.The Clomid did not seem to do much but the Menopur did its job. Of coarse I can never be a normal case and my body has to take it to the next step. I had four eggs growing- 2 on my left and 2 on my right. My left side was growing the strongest but that worried me. During initial testing it looked like my left tube was blocked. They were never certain but it was a possibility. So for my left side to be working worried me that it was all going to go right and for it not be able to go down my tube would be so upsetting. Well I go back to the doctors 2 days later and not only does my left side shrink but my right one started stepping up. If you remember from one of my other posts the eggs should grow about 2mm a day. Instead my left continued to not grow and my right side had one egg that was growing about 3mm a day. Before I new it I was ready to take my shot to ovulate with one that would be almost 20mm and another one, also on my right that would be about 15-16mm. If it grew to 16+ then there was a good chance that I had 2 eggs that ovulated. But even if not I have 1 big egg-it was very exciting to see it. So on Wednesday evening I took the ovulating shot. Thursday I went in for some testing and Friday I went in for insemination. Again, it is like my body is working against me. It took 3 different catheters and lots of pain to make the insemination work. Its an uterine insemination so they go past the cervix and into the uterus- which would be just fine except I have a lovely twist in my cervix that would not allow the catheters to go in. A five minute procedure took 25 minutes but it finally got done. John and I always talk about how the first month is the most painful and an emotional roller coaster but the last 2 weeks is the worst. There is nothing you can do but sit there and wait and hope and pray. So that's what we are doing. We wont know anything until October 15th. Hopefully it will be great news just in time for the holiday season but if not I have to think like John does- we are not giving up and will continue to try until it works. Hes always talking so positively probably so I don't go crazy and I love him so much for that. Well keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks guys!

Okay guys I am so sorry for taking so long to update. Obviously, by my lack of excitement and enthusiasm the treatments did not take this time. Upside- my body did everything it was suppose to. It produced eggs, matured one, ovulated... the rest has been undetermined. The doctors can't say for sure but they believe we conceived it just didn't attach properly or not at all to my uterus. Damn stubborn thing! Like I said in my previous post that a healthy woman only has about a 25% chance of becoming pregnant in any given month. I sadly guess we weren't the lucky 25%. It was a very devastating moment- pregnancy test day and bam my period started. But it has been a few weeks and it still is upsetting to think about but we have are fortunate to have great landlords that are allowing us to skip September's rent. With that money we can afford to try the treatments again. We of coarse are paying them back monthly in increments starting the following months but we are very blest to have a such a great relationship with them. Without their help we would be looking at months until we could try again.So good news I have actually stared my provera- (the evil drug that makes me emotional and crazy) to start my period so we can start a new cycle. Today is day one of the medicine and I warned my coworkers to watch out but I'll try to be on my best behavior. :) It is hard because I feel emotions a lot more. So if I am sad or angry it feels like the world is ending. But John and I are both excited to be getting the opportunity to do this again.
So... povera for 10 days-just 9 more and then my period should start within 5 days and then as soon as it starts off to the doctors and the fun begins all over again. Hopefully my ovaries and eggs will listen this time! Staying positive!

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming.

Hey guys, sorry it has taken me so long to update y'all- it has been one busy, exhausting, and emotional week. So after my appointments over the weekend my 1 egg was finally big enough about 21mm when everything was said and done. Monday was the day- insemination which meant that Saturday night after 10pm I had to take the HCG shot which would make me ovulate in about 36 hours. Monday morning we went into the drs and had the pleasure if being inseminated. I didn't know it was going to hurt like it did. They used a long catheter and stuck it all the way into my uterus and then injected John's sperm. It hurt while it was happening but the real pain did not start until later that day. I was cramping and throbbing so bad I couldn't even walk. I had to lay down and not move. Tuesday my smart ass tried to go back to work... That was a mistake! Everyone at work was very supportive but it just hard because I really could not do my job. Lets just say that I have not been back to work yet. I am feeling much better and yes I can walk now but there is still pressure in my uterus which I hope is a good thing.
The only bad thing about this whole thing is that there is nothing more I can do. All there is is waiting and waiting and waiting. At least throughout everything else I was doing something that was working towards the cause- pills, shots, dr appointments. Now the only thing is wait. I have a whole- very long two weeks before we know anything. Monday the 8th of August is the soonest I can test. The dr pretty much said it is cut and dry. Monday I am either pregnant or my period should start then. Man, I am so scared, nervous and oh so excited. We are really trying not to get our hopes up too much because this can be very devastating month but we are staying positive- that's all we can do.
So, all I ask is for you to pray for us- pray to whoever you pray to. We are doing the same thing. If you don't pray cross those fingers.. and toes! Thanks y'all!

Movin' Along

Well guys I have been doing exactly what the doctors have told me to do. I took Clomid for 5 days and then Menopur for four days. Man, I had no idea how much those shots would burn! But anyways I went to the drs yesterday to see if I was ready to get the shot that would make me ovulate. Unfortunitally my wonderful eggs are not ready. The good news though is that they are growing and that I need just a little bit more meds. Thankfully the Clomid did it's job and chose a small number of folliculs to mature and the Menopur is growing the ones that Clomid chose. I have one that is 10mm and the others that are in the 9mm range. In order to be able to ovulate they need to be around 18mm-22mm. So I have been put on more Menopur- only 3 days more to help them to continue to grow. On average they grow about 2mm a day. So we are getting closer. Sadly the longer it takes, the more Meds I need, and appointments only raised the cost of everything. Not being ready yesterday has pushed us over $600 more once everything is said and done. On Thursday I go back for another ultrasound to see if we are ready. Which also means no more money. Well except a little over $200 for insemination but I already knew that part. So fingers crossed and hopefully by the end of this weekend I will not only be able to ovulate but also be inseminated. Then we are in for the long haul... The waiting... But fingers crossed everyone!!

Good News Bad News

So, I am trying to stay positive. Unexpectedly on Thursday I started my period. A lot of people would okay... and ... well for me having a period is an amazing almost impossible thing for me. So I was all excited and called my dr because now I have to get in within 3 days for an ultrasound and to start our fertility treatment. This would of been all fine and dandy except I just went in for all my blood work, John's blood work and other stuff has just been turned it and I just spent $40 on a drug to make me start, so now I feel rushed- excited to be moving forward naturally. It turns out though John's tests may not be back in time for insemination so we are keeping our fingers crossed that the timing will all work out.
I went into the drs on Saturday for my ultrasound and boy did it not go well. He takes a look at both my ovaries and is in shock. The amount for cysts has increased dramatically and now I also have 2 cysts on my cervix. This explains a lot when it comes to why I have been feeling so yucky lately. After seeing my ovaries the dr said he cannot prescribe my shots like we had intended. The risks are way too great for me and the one day baby. Also the chances of multiples are too high. We are not talking about two or three we are talking about octomom! So I am in near tears trying not to cry in front of the dr because now I  am out of options. He tells me he wants to try a mixture of drugs with me to see how I respond to it. I'm up for it because now there is a plan. So for 5 days- through Wednesday I am taking clomid again but not at the highest dose. Clomid is suppose to pick 1-3 eggs and start to mature them. If I did the shots the meds mature however many it wants which could mean 1 or 10 and since I have about 30 now on each side which all have the potential of growing and maturing. So now hopefully I will only have at least 1 but no more than a few growing. Then on Thursday evening we start the fertility shots Menopur and do that through Sunday. On Monday the 18th I go in for another ultrasound to take a look at my ovaries to see if any of my eggs responded to the treatment. If they did- which they better then I will get another shot to make me ovulate and then hopefully timing is right and insemination. If not insemination then we get to do it the old fashion way which is fine just not as final. Then we will know around the latter part of the first week of August if it worked!
Like I said this is wonderful news that I am trying something new and we are working towards our goal. The bad news though is my health and of coarse the cost. If this round doesn't work I am not sure when we are able to do it again...

Website

Here is a easy to follow website that details the monthly fun that I am getting to look forward to. Also, it has great information on how the different injections work and what they all do. Oh, and don't forget every shot is on my poor behind given by John. I think he is look forward to it :)
http://www.advancedfertility.com/sampleinjectablecalendar.htm

Blood Work

Yesterday morning I went in to do my blood work at Kaiser. 8 viles of blood later and a bruise on my arm, I'm all set. I got most of my blood work back this morning and I seem to be okay in that sense. I am between all numbers that I should be at so this is a positive thing. I was worried with how everything else is going and how I have been feeling lately that there may have been an issue with the tests. So I am excited. Now we are just waiting for the information on John's blood work and waiting for the semen analysis to come back- not until next week but then we can move forward onto the appointments. I hate waiting it is all I seem to do but I am happy at the moment with the idea of moving forward with this and finally being able to conceive. Keeping our fingers crossed!

Hopeful

Things seem to be moving forward so I seem to be a little less stressed. I called Kaiser to let them know that John and I are hoping to start the shot treatment within the next few weeks. Fortunately, John has been able to borrow money through his work- well it's against himself that we have to pay back each paycheck but it is a start. It is just enough to do just one round of treatment but we are trying to stay positive with all that. Gotta work towards one treatment at a time. Well, anyways when I was talking to Kaiser about starting treatments again they tell me that I have to do all my test over again since it has been over a year since we have done it. I am hoping it is just the blood work, I can handle that. It is the dye test- it is where they insert dye into be and watch it move throughout my girlie parts and through my fallopian tubes to see if there is any blockage or reasons why my eggs would not be able to come down like they should. The last time I took the test it showed that my left tube is blocked. I would like to see if that has changed but at the same time I paid over $200 to do this procedure and it hurt like hell. It was so painful and then the doctors made me twist and move my body to see if we can get the dye to get through. Well, that did not work and my uterus and ovaries hurt just thinking about it. John also has to do his testing too. His little guys have to get checked out and then blood work.
Another worry I have is the increase chances of multiples. It raises about 25% chance of twins. John and I have talked about it and we are fine with that idea. We actually like the idea of twins and the thought of bringing not one but two babies into this world. The only worry is what if it is more? I mean we can handle triplets. Its more of the fear factor that is with the babies. And any more than three and there is cancelling and is also a time to decide on terminating some of them. Wow that is heart breaking. You work so hard to make a successful pregnancy and then you have to go decide how many you don't want. It is such a scary thing to imagine. The only thing positive is that you would be doing it for the health and safety of the others. I know right now I have nothing to worry about and decisions will have to be made when and if the time comes. Just thought I should share some of my worries. Thanks for listening!!

Decisions Decisions

Decisions Decisions... John and I have put our heads together and decided to stop my fertility acupuncture. It has been a nice road and I really did enjoy it. It made me feel better and I think it was working as well as it could for me. I think there are too many problems with my body for it to work like it is suppose to. We have been spending about $500 a month for weekly acupuncture and herbs with no real sign that "things" are working any better than before. We could save that money and in probably 3 months or so we can afford the fertility shots... we will see- keeping our fingers crossed about the money thing. The probability of getting pregnant is higher than with the recent things I have been trying so I think its worth saving the money and going through "hell" from the drugs.
My PCOS has seemed to be coming in full force lately. My hair seems to be thinning even more and I am loosing hair. I'm afraid of brushing it sometimes. Also, with my insulin going crazy I am so craving sweets and sugar. I have tried eating fruits and other "healthier" foods that have natural sugars but it does not seem to be working. I have gained a little bit of weight and that is not sitting well with me. But I do not know what to do. I cannot take the drugs that is needed to help with the PCOS condition beacuse it is not to be taken while trying to and being pregnant. So for now it's just learning how to live with and to stay positive.

FRUSTRATED

I'm so frustrated!! Why does everything have to so hard? It seems like every time there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel the light goes dark again. I have been trying a different form of fertility treatments. I wanted to try something that was less harmful to my body. Fertility drugs are very strong and in the long run can hurt you. I have been doing fertility accupuncture for almost 5 months now. My body had finially seemed to take to it and then completly stopped about 2 months ago. I believe accupuncture has helped me but not fully in the way I need it to and definitally not as fast as I would like it to. I know that nothing that is worth having is suppose to be easy or come fast but come on. I am actually thinking of going back the other way- to drugs. My doctor wants me to try a newer form of fertility treatments that is completly done by shots straight into the ass.- Owww. Not only do I have to get shot everyday but my wonderful husband gets to do it. I don't know what freaks me out more. This next step is a big one. My husband and I have to decide and figure out how to come up with $1,500 per cycle. Now in a perfect world we would do one cycle and I would be pregnant but when has anything gone the easy way? So we are looking at an extra $1,500 about every month and a half. And like the clomid, I am only alowed to do it for about 6 months before the doctors say no more. Now believe me $1,500 is a lot less than the 20 grand that is needed for the IVF. I think that is what is worrying me. If  somehow we can come up with that money... there is a deadline and once we do it 6 times then we done. There is no more trying- well not with out the 20 grand needed for the other procedure. It seems so final.  Also, stronger more invasive drugs means more side effects and higher chances of multiples. If anyone read or remembers me on clomid thats a scary thought. But we are both okay with it and want to try. I am trying to stay positive- I know, this is me being positive. Also,the percents look good for this to work- well better than clomid. I think the most stressful thing of all is of coarse the money. How are average people who work suppose to be able to come up with that much extra money.
 My father- in-law joked and told me to get all my friends and family to gift us $100. That sounds great but not a likely or easy thing to do as well. So, if anyone has any suggestions on saving money we are all for it. So far, we have little saved but have cut out going out to eat, buying any extras like new clothes, we even went as far as keeping our smud bill down by not turing the air on- which has ot been horrible but we are in mid June and it's getting hotter. John and I do not make much money. I have read other peoples blogs on fertility websites and I am shocked at how ignorant some people can be. People go as far as saying if you are not healthy enough for your body to get pregant than you should'nt have children to if you can't afford the treatments how can you afford being parents. Let's just say Ouch. Those words hurt and once pregant things seem to be able to fall in place. If everyone waited to have chidren until they were finanicially stable then there would be no morre people on the earth. So please, if you have suggestions or want to help in anyway stay on the positive side. Mean word hurt and this is suppose to help not shut me down more. Thanks guys!

Fertility Drug- Clomid

Clomid is a fertility drug that helps many women who have a difficult time ovulating and is usually the first drug that is tried. It is a pill that is taken on specific days of your cycle. Timing is everything. I took Clomid for seven  months- it was horrid! The side effects are horrible and it made me feel like crap. I started on the lowest dose and eventually worked towards the max amount. Out of seven months I ovulated twice but never conceived. I believe that was the hardest two months ever. Finally, my body did what it was suppose to and I still couldn't get it right. After doing some research it turns out that even a healthy women with no fertility problems only have between a 10 and 25 percent chance of conceiving even when everything goes well. That means couples can take anywhere from four months and ten months to get pregnant if actively trying- so please ladies do not give up hope especially if you work right. Again, timing is everything.
Depending on the person of coarse depends on your side effects. Lets just say for me when a product says that only 3% of women had nausea, headaches, backaches, and ..... I am in that 3%! Some side effects of clomid include breast aches, headaches, hot flashes, mood swings, bloating, weight gain, and with any fertility drug- twins and multiples. Oh man, the hot flashes and mood swings were horrible! I was so hot that I would wake up in sweat and during the day it was bad. I could feel them coming on. I would look down at my legs and arms and I and my co-workers would be able to watch my skin turn pink. It was very uncomfortable. My husband is the one who can vouch for my mood swings. He was a trooper but its like I could not control myself. Later on, he would tell me stories about me as the "clomid b*tch" that came out frequently. And then not to mention the weight gain and headaches. Weight is a bad issue for anyone with PCOS and then to add on to that issue was not a good thing. But through it all- if I could do it all over again I would. Having a healthy baby is most important to me and I would go through every headache, pound I gained, and every hot hot hot flash I experienced. This road has I believe, made me stronger in the process and know that when our time comes to have a little one it will be the most wonderful and special experience in the world.


I am always googling sites to help find answers to my problems and it is nice to know that I am not alone. So here is a website on clomid. It is full of wonderful information from reason for needing it to how to take it to side effects.
http://infertility.about.com/od/clomid/tp/clomid_information.htm

Great website

Here is a great website about PCOS and everthing you would ever want to know about it.
http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.cfm

This is Me

After going to the doctors again today I was told that I should write down and share my thoughts, wants and worries. So I decided to start this blog to help me express my feelings about my fertility issues.
So here is some background of our long windy and bumpy road. My husband and I have actively trying for a little one for about three and a half years. Once a year and a half had passed with being unsuccessful we started looking into fertility help. Thankfully I have Kaiser and here in Sacramento, California they have a great fertility clinic that has been helpful to many families. Unfortunately, insurance does not cover much. So, first was the mass of information and then the mass of tests. I had no idea I had that much blood in me and what painful other tests that I had to endure. My wonderful and supportive husband has also been through his tests- though I think his was a little more easier and fun but that is bedsides the point.
Well, the good news- my husband is perfect. His little men are strong and active. Me on the other hand... The doctors found that I have PCOS- polycystic ovarian syndrome. There are many side effects to this syndrome/disease that actually answered questions to some of my other health issues I am having. Pretty much PCOS means there are many cysts on both my ovaries. Normal women may have one or two follicles on any given month. Those follicles once matured are an egg that is ready to be fertilize so they "pop" off the ovary- which is when ovulation occurs. My follicles do not mature which means they stay on my ovary become cysts. Let’s just say I have 22- 25 on each ovary. Since these follicles/ cysts do not mature they do not pop off. No ovulation means no chance of conceiving, no conceiving means no pregnancy. PCOS also affects insulin, blood sugar, being overweight, thinning of hair, and many other fun things that a 26 year old should not have to worry about.
So, we have survived two years of knowing I have PCOS and trying to come to terms with knowing there is not a way to "fix" it. It has been hard but even more difficult than having health issues is that knowing that I cannot have a baby on my terms. I really thought this road would get easier but after all the knowledge, research and doctors appointments I have gone through it only seems to get harder and more frustrating. But the key out of all this is that we are not giving up- ever. Just praying ever is not forever.