I have been doing so well with many new events and things going on in my life right now. I have focused a lot on thinking and researching different adoption options and how to move forward. Timing and money seems to be the key to everything- just like everything else in life. As I continue to work towards my ultimate goal of having a child my husband and I can love and call our own, my heart is aching for it to happen. I have been thinking a lot lately about IVF and our options on that. It has never been something that we wanted to give up on but it still seems so out of reach. I haven't been sleeping at night because I cannot turn my brain off. The thoughts and worry of never being pregnant or adopting scares the crap out of me. Wondering if our luck financially or any of our luck will turn around. At least when we were doing our treatments we were trying everything in our power to make this happen. But now I feel lost. The doctors will not do anymore treatments because my body cannot handle anymore and I understand that. It's just a very hard concept to grasp. Our only option is IVF now and right now that is not an option. People say to just save money and you will get there. That is so not the case. Ya we can save- were trying to as we speak. But living pay check to pay check does not give us a lot of room to wiggle. I am thinking about getting a second job so that money would go directly into a savings account but with how exhausted I am
now concerns me but I've done three jobs at once- I can do two but still at this rate we are looking at years before we would be able to come up with enough money to give it a try. In the grand scheme of things $10,000 is not a lot of money and many people can come up with that money in days- I just don't know those kind of people. I hate this feeling. It doesn't go away. I was hoping that as time went on and life moves on, as it goes so quickly, that the pain would not continue to hurt as bad but as of now I was wrong. If anything it gets worse and the light after the tunnel seems to get dimmer and dimmer. I'm praying that one day these thoughts, worries and pain will be just a distant memory from the past and oh what a story we can tell our little one but til then it's just seems so hopeless.
