Hopeful

Things seem to be moving forward so I seem to be a little less stressed. I called Kaiser to let them know that John and I are hoping to start the shot treatment within the next few weeks. Fortunately, John has been able to borrow money through his work- well it's against himself that we have to pay back each paycheck but it is a start. It is just enough to do just one round of treatment but we are trying to stay positive with all that. Gotta work towards one treatment at a time. Well, anyways when I was talking to Kaiser about starting treatments again they tell me that I have to do all my test over again since it has been over a year since we have done it. I am hoping it is just the blood work, I can handle that. It is the dye test- it is where they insert dye into be and watch it move throughout my girlie parts and through my fallopian tubes to see if there is any blockage or reasons why my eggs would not be able to come down like they should. The last time I took the test it showed that my left tube is blocked. I would like to see if that has changed but at the same time I paid over $200 to do this procedure and it hurt like hell. It was so painful and then the doctors made me twist and move my body to see if we can get the dye to get through. Well, that did not work and my uterus and ovaries hurt just thinking about it. John also has to do his testing too. His little guys have to get checked out and then blood work.
Another worry I have is the increase chances of multiples. It raises about 25% chance of twins. John and I have talked about it and we are fine with that idea. We actually like the idea of twins and the thought of bringing not one but two babies into this world. The only worry is what if it is more? I mean we can handle triplets. Its more of the fear factor that is with the babies. And any more than three and there is cancelling and is also a time to decide on terminating some of them. Wow that is heart breaking. You work so hard to make a successful pregnancy and then you have to go decide how many you don't want. It is such a scary thing to imagine. The only thing positive is that you would be doing it for the health and safety of the others. I know right now I have nothing to worry about and decisions will have to be made when and if the time comes. Just thought I should share some of my worries. Thanks for listening!!

Decisions Decisions

Decisions Decisions... John and I have put our heads together and decided to stop my fertility acupuncture. It has been a nice road and I really did enjoy it. It made me feel better and I think it was working as well as it could for me. I think there are too many problems with my body for it to work like it is suppose to. We have been spending about $500 a month for weekly acupuncture and herbs with no real sign that "things" are working any better than before. We could save that money and in probably 3 months or so we can afford the fertility shots... we will see- keeping our fingers crossed about the money thing. The probability of getting pregnant is higher than with the recent things I have been trying so I think its worth saving the money and going through "hell" from the drugs.
My PCOS has seemed to be coming in full force lately. My hair seems to be thinning even more and I am loosing hair. I'm afraid of brushing it sometimes. Also, with my insulin going crazy I am so craving sweets and sugar. I have tried eating fruits and other "healthier" foods that have natural sugars but it does not seem to be working. I have gained a little bit of weight and that is not sitting well with me. But I do not know what to do. I cannot take the drugs that is needed to help with the PCOS condition beacuse it is not to be taken while trying to and being pregnant. So for now it's just learning how to live with and to stay positive.

FRUSTRATED

I'm so frustrated!! Why does everything have to so hard? It seems like every time there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel the light goes dark again. I have been trying a different form of fertility treatments. I wanted to try something that was less harmful to my body. Fertility drugs are very strong and in the long run can hurt you. I have been doing fertility accupuncture for almost 5 months now. My body had finially seemed to take to it and then completly stopped about 2 months ago. I believe accupuncture has helped me but not fully in the way I need it to and definitally not as fast as I would like it to. I know that nothing that is worth having is suppose to be easy or come fast but come on. I am actually thinking of going back the other way- to drugs. My doctor wants me to try a newer form of fertility treatments that is completly done by shots straight into the ass.- Owww. Not only do I have to get shot everyday but my wonderful husband gets to do it. I don't know what freaks me out more. This next step is a big one. My husband and I have to decide and figure out how to come up with $1,500 per cycle. Now in a perfect world we would do one cycle and I would be pregnant but when has anything gone the easy way? So we are looking at an extra $1,500 about every month and a half. And like the clomid, I am only alowed to do it for about 6 months before the doctors say no more. Now believe me $1,500 is a lot less than the 20 grand that is needed for the IVF. I think that is what is worrying me. If  somehow we can come up with that money... there is a deadline and once we do it 6 times then we done. There is no more trying- well not with out the 20 grand needed for the other procedure. It seems so final.  Also, stronger more invasive drugs means more side effects and higher chances of multiples. If anyone read or remembers me on clomid thats a scary thought. But we are both okay with it and want to try. I am trying to stay positive- I know, this is me being positive. Also,the percents look good for this to work- well better than clomid. I think the most stressful thing of all is of coarse the money. How are average people who work suppose to be able to come up with that much extra money.
 My father- in-law joked and told me to get all my friends and family to gift us $100. That sounds great but not a likely or easy thing to do as well. So, if anyone has any suggestions on saving money we are all for it. So far, we have little saved but have cut out going out to eat, buying any extras like new clothes, we even went as far as keeping our smud bill down by not turing the air on- which has ot been horrible but we are in mid June and it's getting hotter. John and I do not make much money. I have read other peoples blogs on fertility websites and I am shocked at how ignorant some people can be. People go as far as saying if you are not healthy enough for your body to get pregant than you should'nt have children to if you can't afford the treatments how can you afford being parents. Let's just say Ouch. Those words hurt and once pregant things seem to be able to fall in place. If everyone waited to have chidren until they were finanicially stable then there would be no morre people on the earth. So please, if you have suggestions or want to help in anyway stay on the positive side. Mean word hurt and this is suppose to help not shut me down more. Thanks guys!