It Just Keeps Coming...

So last week my lovely period came very unexpectedly. After the doctors canceled my cycle because of my eggs not cooperating with my body and the medicine I went into "give up" mode for a while. I couldn't believe that after everything else that has gone wrong on the fertility end the last 5 years that my body could do even more to work against me. I was shocked I guess is the right way to put it. It was something that hit me more emotionally and mentally than any of the other tries. I stopped talking about it and stayed in bed and to myself for awhile. but I'm back now and ready to try again...hopefully.
But anyways... with my period starting it meant that after they cancelled the cycle my egg(s) decided to grow slowly on their own and I ovulated but it was way past the time I should of causing me to have a period very late in my cycle. I shouldn't of ovulated or had a period this month. I just don't understand what my body is thinking- it's like its against me the whole way. We were going to start another cycle starting with provera the first of February and now we cannot. I can't even start the provera (to make me have a period) for 2 more weeks because it decided to just show up on its own. I have to wait because I cannot have a period so close together. Now again I'm waiting... to wait some more. I am feeling more and more stressed everyday. I try breathing and telling myself that stressing isn't helping anything- it's so much easier said than done. The doctors are beginning to get concerned about my reaction to the medicine. I am afraid that I am going to be cut off soon and that scares me more than anything. We do not have any other options fertility wise because of the high cost of the next step... again more stress to deal and think about. - I need a drink lol.
Well, I'm just venting- thanks for listening.

The Feeling of Hopelessness

I really don't even know what to say... This cycle has turned completely negative. What hurts the most that it is like my body just gave up on me. Things were going fine- eggs were growing, medicine was working and then all of a sudden nothing. My eggs stopped getting bigger and actually they started shrinking. Yesterday I did not have a single viable egg and I had about 10 eggs/follicles that were at 8mm- Which is the reason for all my swelling and bloating (my pants don't even fit right). Being so late in my cycle with nothing to work with the doctors cancelled my treatment. All the money, time and pain that went into it was for nothing.
It turns out that my PCOS is the cause of this cycle's turn of events. Like it doesn't get in my way enough. The hormones in my body has caused the fertility drug to stop working like it should. It's almost like the extra hormones that the PCOS causes counter acted the medicine. It is so depressing, I don't know what to do or what the next step is. The doctor told me that we cannot do what we have been doing fertility wise so she has to change the treatment. So there is one of two options- 1 to do a treatment that may cause no growth or option 2 do a treatment that may cause too much growth. Either way the chances are not good and I do not like this feeling of helplessness. It's just not fair. If it's not one thing it's another. John and I are not giving up we just don't know what to do. I'm going to email my doctor to talk more about options but there's not much left. This cancelled cycle cost us almost $3,000. We don't know when financially we will be able to do anything. There has to be more answers out there. Not giving up... Not giving up... Not ever giving up!!