This is Me

After going to the doctors again today I was told that I should write down and share my thoughts, wants and worries. So I decided to start this blog to help me express my feelings about my fertility issues.
So here is some background of our long windy and bumpy road. My husband and I have actively trying for a little one for about three and a half years. Once a year and a half had passed with being unsuccessful we started looking into fertility help. Thankfully I have Kaiser and here in Sacramento, California they have a great fertility clinic that has been helpful to many families. Unfortunately, insurance does not cover much. So, first was the mass of information and then the mass of tests. I had no idea I had that much blood in me and what painful other tests that I had to endure. My wonderful and supportive husband has also been through his tests- though I think his was a little more easier and fun but that is bedsides the point.
Well, the good news- my husband is perfect. His little men are strong and active. Me on the other hand... The doctors found that I have PCOS- polycystic ovarian syndrome. There are many side effects to this syndrome/disease that actually answered questions to some of my other health issues I am having. Pretty much PCOS means there are many cysts on both my ovaries. Normal women may have one or two follicles on any given month. Those follicles once matured are an egg that is ready to be fertilize so they "pop" off the ovary- which is when ovulation occurs. My follicles do not mature which means they stay on my ovary become cysts. Let’s just say I have 22- 25 on each ovary. Since these follicles/ cysts do not mature they do not pop off. No ovulation means no chance of conceiving, no conceiving means no pregnancy. PCOS also affects insulin, blood sugar, being overweight, thinning of hair, and many other fun things that a 26 year old should not have to worry about.
So, we have survived two years of knowing I have PCOS and trying to come to terms with knowing there is not a way to "fix" it. It has been hard but even more difficult than having health issues is that knowing that I cannot have a baby on my terms. I really thought this road would get easier but after all the knowledge, research and doctors appointments I have gone through it only seems to get harder and more frustrating. But the key out of all this is that we are not giving up- ever. Just praying ever is not forever.