Conflicted

Wow, it has been awhile! I didn't realize that it has been over 6 months!! Mostly, I haven't written because nothing has happened or has changed since January. We are still waiting and hoping to save up enough money to afford an IVF cycle. We are getting closer and are getting more excited about being closer. We will know in the next month or so what/when we can do it! Monday I am calling the clinic to go in for our first consultation with my infertility and IVF specialist. We have lots of questions for him and I am excited to be able to get them answered and to find out what is best for us. It is hard to know before hand what is exactly going to happen because each case is different because each couple is different; so which medicines I am going to have to be using, for how long and on what cycle days... who knows. I don't like not knowing so this appointment is going to be very informative and I am READY!
The biggest question and info that I want to discuss is the eggs. They do not want to create multiple births because multiples like twins, triplets and more usually have lower birth weights and are early or premature. Now I totally understand and I am not looking to be octo-mom but twins would be amazing! Our life savings has been put into this procedure and much of our life has been put on hold because financially this is the road we decided to choose. So if I can get a healthy baby.. or two- I don't even have the words to express what I am thinking right now. With them not wanting to create multiples they really only want to put 1 egg back into me. That freaks me out! All this money and all this hope to only put one in! They say that if that one doesn't take than they will do another cycle at a discount. Again, I see their point but if it didn't take it the first time there's no guarantee that the second one will take- it will also be a frozen one so it drops a few percentages in probability of implanting. So why would I want that if a fresh healthy one didn't take?! I can beg and ask them to put two in but if either one of them don't take then we will be back at zero and will have to go through everything again including the financial aspect of it all. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and don't know which to choose. And even if there is two put in there is NO guarantee that both or any will take. I just don't know what to do!!! What would you choose?? I am so conflicted! Saving the money would be great by getting it discounted- more than half but at the same time unsure if it will take either time or putting in two and hoping at least one takes if not both... I need help!!
I will continue to write on here now that things are starting to move right along... slowly.... But I really love you guys and all your support you continue to give me and my family. It amazes me how many friends we have and how much we are loved and sorry for all the rambling, I needed to get it out!!