I'm lying here with my wonderful husband on one hip and my protective dog on the other. Most nights I feel so content and happy knowing I have two very important things in my life with me, but tonight I cannot help but feel empty. I know I shouldn't feel this way. That I should be happy with all that I have and not dwell on the things that I do not. But it's been hard very hard lately and I cannot seem to get out of this funk. And now it is midnight and I am hours past my bedtime but I cannot get my mind to turn off. It is going a mile a minute with no letting up. I am very thankful for the life that I have and the wonderful, caring, and understanding husband that is my world. I have an amazing family and loving friends but I feel incomplete. Like my heart has a hole in it that is desperately wanting to be filled and is aching while waiting for that time to happen. I nor is John ever giving up but as the days, months and years continue to fly by with no sign of anything changing, I have to wonder if it will ever happen. Days like today when, when I am down, seem to be more frequent and it scares the hell out of me. I'm scared that I will continue to have that hole that will never be filled, though throughout all of this I can be forever thankful for my relationship with John. I truly believe we have grown stronger and closer with every passing week. I cannot believe how strong he is and I know for a fact I would not be a strong as I am without him. Thank you to him and thanks to all of you. You guys are the ones that keep me sane and positive. I would be nowhere without you all as well.
Thank you with all of my heart!
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