Hey guys it has been a while...

Hey guys it has been a while... Well, first things first nothing has changed on the whole baby front. We are still thousands and thousands away from our goal to be able to do IVF. Though we are trying and not giving up- one way or another we will grow our family... Also, the pills that I was taking- Fertil Aid did not work. Not only did it not regulate my system it created even more havic to it. I was on a period for over 2 months! Not sure if it is my messed up system that was the cause or the pills but the ingredients in the pills were mainly the same ingerdiants as prenadals and I have taken them before so I really dont think they were the cause of it all. I started the week I left for my Florida trip in July and have had it since. I went to the doctors in mid sept for a lovely pap and to ask what to do about my abviously too long of a period. The doctor did not seem too worried about it but said that we need to get it under control. So fearing of what she was about to say she put my on a month of birth control pills- not something someone wants to hear when all she ever thinks about is getting pregnant. But I chalked it up and did not even cry. I figured better now then later on down the road when things could be a lot more serious. Out of the one month of pills it took a week and a half until my body stopped feeling nauseated from the medicine. I tried taking it in the evening hoping to sleep the feeling away and it still did no good. I woke up constintly feeling as if I was going to be sick, but my period had stopped so I wanted to continue knowing that was what my body needed to do. So, finally I start feeling better as a whole and then two days ago (still having 2 weeks left of this one month) I start cramping and bloating horribly. And then it came this sickning period from hell complete with cramping and clotting! I wouldnt feel so out of it if it was something I expected like when I was on my fertility medicine- you knew it was coming(if you wernt pregnant) this time though, it completly hit me off guard and hit me like a bag of bricks. I went to email my "girly" doctor to ask her whats going on but she is out of the office until later this week so I emailed my fertility doctor hoping she can help. I told her that I know my body is "special" but I need to know if I am ok. My pap came back fine and my uterus looked and felt fine at my last appointment so I dont know what is gong on. It would be different if I was at the end of the birth control pills but I am a little over half done and going crazy! All I want is something- anything to go right!!! There has to be good news out there somewhere. Im going nuts with all the negative feeling lately. I need/want good feelings, its just so hard to do when you get hit over and over...

PCOS Craziness

My good friend sent me a link to information about PCOS. Throughout my infertility, trying to come up with money for IVF and looking at possible ways for adoption, I have thought less and less about my disease PCOS. Which I should definitely not do. I have a very dangerous "degree"  of PCOS which can cause many hardships throughout my life and my health. Sometimes I think it is too much to think about and the always questions of "why me?" Life is hard enough without the additional issues that I have now because of PCOS. I have a loving husband and a wonderful 17 year old step son but sometimes I want more. Knowing there is a piece of me (and John) that is missing and we cannot fill it at this time. No matter what we do oer how much we save my PCOS is causing this heartache. Talking about it helps a little but so many do not fully understand the hardship. Things have gotten worse health wise and I have to figure out how to fix it. It has seemed to take over while I was/am busy with all the other life things that we have to do. One day I would love to wake up and have even one prayer answered. John does such an amazing job at keeping things positive. It was not for him, I do not know where I would be now but I sure know I would not be as well. Well here is the info my friend sent me and I hope it helps my followers to understand PCOS and may give you light on the health risks that is causes.
Thanks for reading!

Short and Sweet...
Polycystic ovary syndrome

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) occurs when a hormone imbalance interferes with normal ovulation. PCOS is a major cause of infertility; if it is not treated, it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.

Common symptoms of polycystic ovary syndrome include irregular menstrual cycles, weight gain, acne, male-pattern hair loss, and male-type hair growth on the face and body. Symptoms may occur early in the condition or develop gradually.

The cause of polycystic ovary syndrome is not fully understood. Genetics are a factor.

There is no known cure for polycystic ovary syndrome. Treatment focuses on correcting reproductive hormone levels, metabolism problems, and body weight.

Thankful

Goodness, I have been feeling overwhelmed with life right now. Everything seems so complicated. Through the compication and the crazy rollercoaster ride, John and I have seemed to have gotten closer-if that is even possible. We have had a relationship from day one that I never knew was even something that can exist. But throughout these past two years of 16 different fertility cycles we have become inseparable. Emotionally there is no way that I could get through everything that we have been through without his love and support. He has been behind me from day one. May 8th will be our "first date" anniversary of 6 years. I cannot believe how time flies but it is amazing when I am with him!
So onto a different note, John and I applied for the IVF loan in hopes that a miracle would happen and we would actually be approved. Unfortunately, though it didn't happen. It was something that we had come to terms with because in our hearts we already knew what the results would be- It was like playing the lotto. We all do it in hopes and prayers with dreams of what will happen if our numbers would be chosen and of coarse the let down afterwards.
I have talked to many different people offering support, stories and suggestions on the want for adoption. I can honestly say I am very excited about what may come out with this. It is great to see and hear from friends and family- even ones that I may not hear from often talking about how they support and want to help us in any way in finding someone who is looking for adoption for their newborn or soon to be born little one. I believe in my heart that one day it will happen... I just hate waiting lol. But with all the love and support our friends and family have shown, it is just a matter of when. Friends have shared my blog with others, put on facebook, talked to others in their churches, written letters of recommendations and have kept their ears and eyes open. I cannot thank everyone enough. All I can ask is for everyone to continue to do so. I really do not mind having you guys share my information, story, blog or facebook with others. It is the only way to get the word out. I am starting to get a facebook page connected to my regular page. But I do not want to advertise it until there is pictures up and it looks good. But I want you guys to know that it will be up soon- so hopefully it is another means of media to get out there to people.
Thank you guys again for keeping us in your hearts, thoughts, and prayers. It means the world to us and I just ask that you continue to do so. Without you guys we would be nowhere.

New Outlook on Possibilities

John and I have decided that we are going to look into adoption. We are not giving up on trying to find ways to afford and achieve an IVF cycle but we would love to be able to bring a little one into our loving home that really needs it. Researching adoption is very overwhelming and I cannot believe how expensive it is. There are so many children out there that need a loving home and it seems that there are many hoops that need to be jumped through to even be considered. The cost was shocking actually. It is going to cost more in adoption and adoption fees than it will cost do do IVF. I was talking to a good friend who adopted by doing an open adoption. I was not sure at first how I felt with that idea but the more John and I talk about it that's the way we want to do. Adoption costs so much because you're paying for someone to find a baby for you. Our friend found the birthmother through a friend through a friend through a sister in law. They had tried for a little one for years and with many complications that I have faced. One day she woke up worried about ever being a mommy and in a three week timespan her and her husband held a little newborn baby girl in their hands for the first time. What a beautiful experience. The birthmother was a young women who knew she wasn't ready to be a full time mommy yet. They contacted each other and the birthmother decided that having her baby taken care of by our family friend was the best thing for her baby.
We are going to try to do the same type of thing. We are going to be putting the word out, this being the introduction of how much we would love to adopt a baby that needs a stable loving family. We are asking our friends and family to pass the word around and if they know anyone or know anyone who knows anyone who is pregnant but is not ready to be a full time mommy. The only way our family friend was able to accomplish this was to put the word out and how important it is for everyone to repost, send to others and so on.
I was given an article from one of the parents that I work for about how this family who also had fertility issues made a facebook page and a bithmother found their page. Within days they all met and continued to do so. The birthmother was an older women who had a husband and two or three older children. They were not prepared to be parents of a newborn again. Before the pregnant women and her husband went to an adoption agency they found this family willing to help another family in need. In about 6 months this family was given the best gift in the world.
Things like this happen everyday so why not for John and I? We are going to also make a facebook page- I looked it up and there are alot of pages dedicated to adoption and open adoption. People looking to find their missing piece in life. I will also be adding another blog onto this one. So hopefully having these two means of media plus all our friends and family, we will eventually be able to find a women who needs our help. Please help us in doing it! Think about someone you know or that you have heard about who is in a position that they do not want to be. It is the only way this can work. Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and be apart of our experience.