HEARTBROKEN

I don't understand the beating John and I continue to get while hoping and praying for a baby. We have gone through another cycle with no luck. My eggs just wont work and grow correctly. I didn't write about in hope that not thinking day in and day out about it would help relieve some of the stress. Well I guess it didn't matter. This was our twelfth attempt through the fertility clinic. My doctor who I have come to know really well sat me down on Wednesday after saying that it was another failed attempt. She told me that we can continue and try again once we come up with the money and that she cant tell us we cant but in all her expertise and experience she believes that there is nothing more we can do besides IVF. My body is fighting against the treatments the last three times and she believes I will continue to do so. Thank GOD John was there with me at this appointment. I don't think I could of gotten out of there without him. He wasn't suppose to go and then last minute decided he better. My doctor gave us some brochures on Kaiser's IVF program and a Chase application for financial help. Ummm thanks but I don't see that happening. Between me making pocket change and with John out of a job for two years there is no way Chase will say sure lets give you guys some money. Of coarse we signed up anyways and prayed but again with no luck. If anyone wants to lend us their credit we would be in debt to you forever! lol. Kaiser's IVF program is very good and well known around the country. It ONLY costs $9,000 plus the cost of meds. If anyone one knows pricing on IVF that is a pretty good price. My doctor said she has no doubt that I would be able to get pregnant through IVF and that I am a perfect candidate. For a women my age I have about a 70-75% chance of a successful pregnancy. That is an outrageous number. Those kinds of statistics is what I need  but having money issues with it is heartbreaking. How is average Joe suppose to be able to do this?We don't know how or when but somehow... I guess the only thing we can possible do now is wait- I hate waiting, that's all I ever do. Waiting is the worst thing ever- not being able to do anything. I'm so beyond stressed out just thinking about it. Work has been so hard this week trying to emotionally keep everything together. Thank God it is Friday! Thanks for reading guys- Love you all.